Xan mo ilo, kamlale!
Pale si ma e zhivindi jag…
These are Rromani words meaning “Eat my heart, my beloved ones! While I still keep the flame of life…”
So why do I want my heart eaten?… How?… By whom?…
To the first –rhetorical– question my answer is simple: because I need love now beyond restraints and limits. Now, to the second: eating my heart, swallowing it, making it part of you is not straightforward, since it requires a especial bond and a knowledge of me that cannot be attained by words or thoughts; not by any physical contact or intercourse. It means letting my spirit enter yours and blending with parts of it (or with all of it in ideal, very infrequent conditions) and then keeping it there, caring for it and accepting the changes you would forcibly undergo from then on; nothing inconvenient, even less, bad, since my “heart” is blue enough (somewhat between cobalt-blue and azure) to always become a decent influence, disregarding your own heart’s colour; just mind you that if it is red or too intensely orange no mixing will be possible.
The third question is partially answered already, but let me say it more clearly: I offer my heart to everybody who love me or feel true affection toward me beyond a mere whim, and also without any spurious personal interest, be it sexual, monetary or selfish in any way (because I look cool or mysterious or sweet or clever, for instance).
Thus, if you love me unconditionally, or think you could love me this way, just take me; Xan mo ilo thaj kaman ma!
[Ari Fontrodona’s diary: April 22nd, 2016]
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